Sarah Quick

Playwright: Actor: Director


Extract - Sunshine Express

TOMMY         Ok, everyone. Good morning. I hope everyone got a good night’s rest. I’d like to thank Rita for helping to keep me awake with her snoring.

RITA               Cheeky!

TOMMY         We’re stopping for breakfast in a couple of minutes folks at a lovely little restaurant called (French accent) Cracker Barrelle or more commonly known as (southern accent) Cracker Barrel y’all. Yep we’ve officially entered grits country folks. I order them every time and every time realize I can’t stand them.

WAITRESS    Good morning Y’all. Welcome to Cracker Barrel. The old country store and family restaurant. Have y’all visited us before?

MARY            We have, haven’t we Fred?

FRED              We have yes.

ARTHUR       What did she say?

MARY            Have you visited her before?

ALICE            I shouldn’t have thought so.

ARTHUR       I don’t recognise her.

ALICE           Were you here last time we came?

WAITRESS    Alright then, well welcome back, and y’all know that we do have lots of gifts in our store too as well as antiques.

ARTHUR       What did she say?

MARY            They have a store.

ARTHUR       I know they do we had to walk through it to get to our table.

WAITRESS    Do you folks know what you’d like to order?

MARY            I’d like bacon and eggs please. Scrambled. Fred?

FRED              The Daybreak deal, with sausage, please.

WAITRESS    That comes with toast, would you like brown or white?

ARTHUR       I know they do we had to walk through it to get to our table.

MARY            Brown/

FRED              /White.

MARY            Don’t make me say the F word Fred!

FRED              Fibre.

MARY            It’s good for you.

FRED              I’m on my holidays.

MARY            Yes, but unfortunately your bowels have come with you and so you should have brown toast. Arthur?

ARTHUR       Huh?

MARY            What are you going to order?

ARTHUR       An omelette.

WAITRESS    What sort of omelette would you like sir?

ARTHUR       Huh?

MARY            What sort?

ARTHUR       What sort of what?

MARY            What sort of omelette?

ARTHUR       Western. No onions.

WAITRESS    And for you ma’am?

ALICE            I’d like the same thing that I had last time.

Pause

WAITRESS    And what was that ma’am?

ALICE            Oh, yes, you weren’t here were you. Erm, they’re round and they put them on top of each other.

WAITRESS    You’d like some pancakes ma’am?

ALICE            No, no, there are three of them on the plate and a little blob of butter.

WAITRESS    Those are pancakes ma’am.

MARY            Oh, I know and you get maple syrup with them!

ALICE            Yes!

MARY            Pancakes!

ALICE            Yes! I’d like to go ahead and order some pancakes please.